Two vagrants seeking shelter in a decaying outhouse behind Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas recently discovered a parchment with a long lost segment of the New Testament. The passage was not complete, but scholars have translated the following section:
And it came to pass in those days that Jesus beheld his followers healing the sick and feeding the hungry, and so he departed into the desert to pray when several of the called accompanied him, whereupon he spake unto them saying, “Hast thou ears not to hear? Hast thou not been taught that the sick and the poor are with you always? Verily I say unto you that it will continue to be so until the day cometh that the downtrodden abandon their reliance upon your benevolence and adopt fiscally responsible covenants with their brethren. Hast thou not been taught that thou shalt reap what thou hast sown? Understandeth thou not the righteousness of labor? Wouldest thou deny thy brother such righteousness because of his infirmity? For I say unto you, lest thy brother adopt conservative principles and plant his own vineyard from which to pluck, he shall be cursed and despised by the righteous for all his days. And when the time of judgement of the blessed of the Lord shall come, he shall be cast out...

1 Republicans, 4:16- 23